A little bit about my past!

We can be so gullible at times it's unbelievable. Before I came to Christ, I had lived a reckless life. I came to the States to go to school and make something out of myself, at least that why my parents sent me. I was good up till when I got to college that's when all hell broke loose. I started partying like it was going out of style. I was in the clubs from thursdays to sundays for 10 years I did this. Towards the end, I got really tired and I wanted to quit because it dawned on me that I was in a vicious cycle, doing the same thing week after week and there were no improvements in my life but I couldn't do it on my own. It was such a struggle I tell you and there was no one I could talk to about this. I was the life of the party lol and because I had friends from the Caribbeans lol I was like a Jamaican-African-American girl which means I could dance with the best of them and even outdance them but at the end I would go home to my room back to my loneliness, the lights were out and it was just me and myself and solitude. I tell you it was rough. I tried to drown it out, I tried to fake it and make myself feel and think that I was ok and that my life was not empty but at the end, I could not escape it. My dad used to force us to go to church every sunday back home and so I grew up in the church even though I was still a child then. I went to a church here and there in my adult life but church life was really not for me. I was truly rebelling and letting go of the angst I had built up instead of me for years. That was the time when God decided that I was ready for Him and so He came out of the shadows. I was feeling more and more guilty for the things that I was doing. I was going out with one guy at the time but when I will be having an issue with him, I would go back to my ex and so I was doing this back and forth thing between the two of them, nasty right? But that was what I had done with my life. I would go clubbing on Saturday night, will be in church on Sunday morning, I would cry my eyes out asking God for forgiveness and will be back in the club on Sunday night, sounds familiar?
This went on and on until the day when I got tired and I just said Lord, I am tired. I am really tired of battling this on my own, please help me! Do you know that He just did? He stepped Him and took care of business, as soon as I let go. He was waiting for me to get tired lol this God! So now I am with Him. I love Him, He loves me. He's everything for me. I am a very weird person because of where I came from. I love the Lord so much that people who don't understand can't comprehend me. That is just fine with me, I am not looking for anyone to get me, as long as I get Him I m fine. I thought I had friends but in my hard times, I realized that I had no one. I mean nobody. He was the One who stepped in and helped me out. I am so grateful to Him, i don't want to hurt Him, I don't want to grieve Him, I don't want Him to ever leave me. I know He won't but I have to work on myself so I will not walk away again. It's so lonely without Him.
So here is the summary of it all, there have been some crazy things lol I am sure you will hear about it as I can't seem to stay focused in my writings. I am all over the place but trust me there is an underlying connection. I hope I am not the only one to see it.
Be blessed, stay blessed in Jesus' name.