We can be so gullible at times it's unbelievable. Before I came to Christ, I had lived a reckless life. I came to the States to go to school and make something out of myself, at least that why my parents sent me. I was good up till when I got to college that's when all hell broke loose. I started partying like it was going out of style. I was in the clubs from thursdays to sundays for 10 years I did this. Towards the end, I got really tired and I wanted to quit because it dawned on me that I was in a vicious cycle, doing the same thing week after week and there were no improvements in my life but I couldn't do it on my own. It was such a struggle I tell you and there was no one I could talk to about this. I was the life of the party lol and because I had friends from the Caribbeans lol I was like a Jamaican-African-American girl which means I could dance with the best of them and even outdance them but at the end I would go home to my room back to my loneliness, the lights were out and it was just me and myself and solitude. I tell you it was rough. I tried to drown it out, I tried to fake it and make myself feel and think that I was ok and that my life was not empty but at the end, I could not escape it. My dad used to force us to go to church every sunday back home and so I grew up in the church even though I was still a child then. I went to a church here and there in my adult life but church life was really not for me. I was truly rebelling and letting go of the angst I had built up instead of me for years. That was the time when God decided that I was ready for Him and so He came out of the shadows. I was feeling more and more guilty for the things that I was doing. I was going out with one guy at the time but when I will be having an issue with him, I would go back to my ex and so I was doing this back and forth thing between the two of them, nasty right? But that was what I had done with my life. I would go clubbing on Saturday night, will be in church on Sunday morning, I would cry my eyes out asking God for forgiveness and will be back in the club on Sunday night, sounds familiar?
This went on and on until the day when I got tired and I just said Lord, I am tired. I am really tired of battling this on my own, please help me! Do you know that He just did? He stepped Him and took care of business, as soon as I let go. He was waiting for me to get tired lol this God! So now I am with Him. I love Him, He loves me. He's everything for me. I am a very weird person because of where I came from. I love the Lord so much that people who don't understand can't comprehend me. That is just fine with me, I am not looking for anyone to get me, as long as I get Him I m fine. I thought I had friends but in my hard times, I realized that I had no one. I mean nobody. He was the One who stepped in and helped me out. I am so grateful to Him, i don't want to hurt Him, I don't want to grieve Him, I don't want Him to ever leave me. I know He won't but I have to work on myself so I will not walk away again. It's so lonely without Him.
So here is the summary of it all, there have been some crazy things lol I am sure you will hear about it as I can't seem to stay focused in my writings. I am all over the place but trust me there is an underlying connection. I hope I am not the only one to see it.
Be blessed, stay blessed in Jesus' name.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
You won't believe this!
Lol, I found out that there were people actually following this blog, can I say that it has galvanized me? Lol we can be so self-centered at times it's amazing. God please help me with this aspect of my life and many others as you know how self-centered your daughter can get.
2009 was a year of discovery for me. It was amazing, I have learned so much about my life that it's scary. I am truly grateful to be alive, God has spared me despite all the evil I did, He still showed me He loved me. My father passed away in May 2009 and it broke my heart. Because I live in the US, my parents live in Africa. I got to see my dad when he came to visit me some years back and I was planning to go and see them very soon. He was sick and then his time just came. I was very close to my dad because my mother was a disciplinarian. I thank God for their lives. I thank God everyday for the life of my mother. Despite the fact that she practically beat the life out of me more than any of my other siblings, she was the one by the grace of God, to beat the rebellion out of me. She instilled discipline in me and taught me how to respect elders. Where I come from in West Africa, children can not talk back to their parents, I don't know how it is nowadays but 10 years ago that was the case. I thought I was literally going to die because everytime I kept thinking about my dad, I realized that he would not be there to welcome me back home and that just broke my heart. I got to a point where I just told God, Lord you need to help me with this and the Lord faithful that He is, just took over. I am telling you I had such overwhelming peace, The Holy Spirit hovered over me and comforted me. I started weeping but with every tear that was flowing out, I was releasing myself unto Him. After this experience, my heart was still. It is written be still and know that I am God. I completed trusted the Lord after that and He told me He will take care of everything so I abandoned myself into His arms. My relationship with the Lord after that grew so much because I had finally embraced the love of God. This whole time, I was aware of His love for me, I knew He cared, I just did not know how deeply. It was as if He let me see His pain, because I was crying He was crying to and He just wanted to take me in His arm and comfort me. Beautiful!
So now we are in 2010. By the grace of God I m worshipping in the same place I used to go to and now I m worshipping online with 2 churches in Nigeria. Lol go figure! I am a french-speaking african girl who lives in the US, who is attending another african church and who is worshipping online with nigerians. Is this crazy or what? I really do love worshipping God and so I love worshippers. I don't care where you come from but if you put God first in your life automatically you become my friend, friend in the spirit that is, last year God taught me a lot about friendship. That's another post right after this one. So this is where I am in life, it's just me and my God. I love my mom and I feel bad for her because she's is pretty young, she had me when she was 20 but my dad was 15 years older than her but knowing her I am sure she will stick out that woman is so strong at times I wonder what she has in her heart...
Pray you are blessed by this, remember that God loves you, it's really hard nowadays to understand that unless you have an encounter with Him but know that He's seeking and wanting to connect with you at all times. He is so loving, when I begin to think about at all that I have been through and the fact that He was always there for me and with me even in the shadows, my heart swells up!
2009 was a year of discovery for me. It was amazing, I have learned so much about my life that it's scary. I am truly grateful to be alive, God has spared me despite all the evil I did, He still showed me He loved me. My father passed away in May 2009 and it broke my heart. Because I live in the US, my parents live in Africa. I got to see my dad when he came to visit me some years back and I was planning to go and see them very soon. He was sick and then his time just came. I was very close to my dad because my mother was a disciplinarian. I thank God for their lives. I thank God everyday for the life of my mother. Despite the fact that she practically beat the life out of me more than any of my other siblings, she was the one by the grace of God, to beat the rebellion out of me. She instilled discipline in me and taught me how to respect elders. Where I come from in West Africa, children can not talk back to their parents, I don't know how it is nowadays but 10 years ago that was the case. I thought I was literally going to die because everytime I kept thinking about my dad, I realized that he would not be there to welcome me back home and that just broke my heart. I got to a point where I just told God, Lord you need to help me with this and the Lord faithful that He is, just took over. I am telling you I had such overwhelming peace, The Holy Spirit hovered over me and comforted me. I started weeping but with every tear that was flowing out, I was releasing myself unto Him. After this experience, my heart was still. It is written be still and know that I am God. I completed trusted the Lord after that and He told me He will take care of everything so I abandoned myself into His arms. My relationship with the Lord after that grew so much because I had finally embraced the love of God. This whole time, I was aware of His love for me, I knew He cared, I just did not know how deeply. It was as if He let me see His pain, because I was crying He was crying to and He just wanted to take me in His arm and comfort me. Beautiful!
So now we are in 2010. By the grace of God I m worshipping in the same place I used to go to and now I m worshipping online with 2 churches in Nigeria. Lol go figure! I am a french-speaking african girl who lives in the US, who is attending another african church and who is worshipping online with nigerians. Is this crazy or what? I really do love worshipping God and so I love worshippers. I don't care where you come from but if you put God first in your life automatically you become my friend, friend in the spirit that is, last year God taught me a lot about friendship. That's another post right after this one. So this is where I am in life, it's just me and my God. I love my mom and I feel bad for her because she's is pretty young, she had me when she was 20 but my dad was 15 years older than her but knowing her I am sure she will stick out that woman is so strong at times I wonder what she has in her heart...
Pray you are blessed by this, remember that God loves you, it's really hard nowadays to understand that unless you have an encounter with Him but know that He's seeking and wanting to connect with you at all times. He is so loving, when I begin to think about at all that I have been through and the fact that He was always there for me and with me even in the shadows, my heart swells up!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wow
It's been ages since I started this blog and another one lol but I rarely write. This year it will be different. I have so much to say but sometimes I am afraid that no one really understands me but you know what. I am not seeking for understanding but I just want to put down some thoughts. There is so much going on and I feel that this world is getting nastier by the minute. My cry is that all we just turn back to God, the further we go away from Him, the crazier things get. I will try. I don't know if anyone will follow this blog but lol, I shall write.
Be blessed!
Be blessed!
Friday, April 4, 2008
This Christian walk, it ain't easy!
We had a spiritual retreat this weekend and by the way I did not go to my friend's church. It violated some of the guidelines I had decided to live my life by and so I had to write it off. It's not easy when you get convicted by the Holy Spirit and you find yourself in the red. But thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph in His name so the devil will forever be ashamed. Anyhow at this retreat the message was, A faithful God for a faithful people. How so on point!
Many of us have been complaining about God not being there for us when in fact it is us not being there for Him. God is faithful to the ones who are faithful to Him. We were taught about the Sabbath, the Holy day for God. In the Old Testament God had hallowed the Sabbath. He told the children of Israel that the day was sanctified and no one was to do any work but they were to consecrate themselves for that day. One man was caught outside picking up some wood and he got stoned. God specifically told them to collect enough manna on the day before for 2 days but as always we disobeyed, on the Sabbath Day, some people went outside expecting the manna to be there like always but to their surprise it wasn't.
God has not changed, I know that now we are saying we are no longer under the law and we are not under the grace but a sanctified Day is a sanctified Day. It is written in the bible that we should not take any burdens from our house into the gates of Jerusalem. Therefore if we have any strife whatsoever with anyone if we have issues even with ourselves, we are to resolve them before we step out else we will pay for it ourselves. I am telling you this message was for me. Many times instead of preparing myself for service and soaking in the presence of God in my house, I will go shopping for a new outfit on Sunday morning since our service starts at 3:00 pm. Sometimes I was even bold enough to go and get my hair done. I know that some people would say what is the harm in this you are preparing yourself for your God. However we tend to forget that God does not look at appearances, He looks to the condition of your heart. How is our heart before God? We could look like a $1,000 but if our heart is dirty, if our heart is unpure we won't please God. So God wants us to use this day to please Him, To Honor HIm, to Rejoice in Him. We are to sing hymns and songs, we are to worship Him in his throne and show love to all. As nicely dressed as we can be, if we have even one evil thought towards someone, ' look at her, who does she think she is strolling in here like that', " Oh no, she did not wear that dress", these are thoughts that may seem harmless to us but are equivalent to death to God. The bible declares that if someone does not love his brother, that person is a murderer. So it does not matter how good we look outside if inside the condition of our heart is deadly. This was much needed because sometimes we get so spiritual that we begin to forget about the basics of the christian life, Love.
It is because of Love that Christ came and died on the cross for us. We have to be faithful to God in all things. First by consecrating ourselves for His Sabbath and seeking to please Him every day of our lives.
I pray this has blessed you.
Have a wonderful day!
Many of us have been complaining about God not being there for us when in fact it is us not being there for Him. God is faithful to the ones who are faithful to Him. We were taught about the Sabbath, the Holy day for God. In the Old Testament God had hallowed the Sabbath. He told the children of Israel that the day was sanctified and no one was to do any work but they were to consecrate themselves for that day. One man was caught outside picking up some wood and he got stoned. God specifically told them to collect enough manna on the day before for 2 days but as always we disobeyed, on the Sabbath Day, some people went outside expecting the manna to be there like always but to their surprise it wasn't.
God has not changed, I know that now we are saying we are no longer under the law and we are not under the grace but a sanctified Day is a sanctified Day. It is written in the bible that we should not take any burdens from our house into the gates of Jerusalem. Therefore if we have any strife whatsoever with anyone if we have issues even with ourselves, we are to resolve them before we step out else we will pay for it ourselves. I am telling you this message was for me. Many times instead of preparing myself for service and soaking in the presence of God in my house, I will go shopping for a new outfit on Sunday morning since our service starts at 3:00 pm. Sometimes I was even bold enough to go and get my hair done. I know that some people would say what is the harm in this you are preparing yourself for your God. However we tend to forget that God does not look at appearances, He looks to the condition of your heart. How is our heart before God? We could look like a $1,000 but if our heart is dirty, if our heart is unpure we won't please God. So God wants us to use this day to please Him, To Honor HIm, to Rejoice in Him. We are to sing hymns and songs, we are to worship Him in his throne and show love to all. As nicely dressed as we can be, if we have even one evil thought towards someone, ' look at her, who does she think she is strolling in here like that', " Oh no, she did not wear that dress", these are thoughts that may seem harmless to us but are equivalent to death to God. The bible declares that if someone does not love his brother, that person is a murderer. So it does not matter how good we look outside if inside the condition of our heart is deadly. This was much needed because sometimes we get so spiritual that we begin to forget about the basics of the christian life, Love.
It is because of Love that Christ came and died on the cross for us. We have to be faithful to God in all things. First by consecrating ourselves for His Sabbath and seeking to please Him every day of our lives.
I pray this has blessed you.
Have a wonderful day!
On Love according to God, Agape
How is your love walk?
Sometimes even the best-hearted people can come across the wrong way. I had a situation where someone that I trusted, a man of God showed me his other(nasty, carnal) side. While I was busy complaining to God about him, the Holy Spirit whispered something in my ear. What were your intentions in this whole thing? We have to be very careful about our motives. The love of God is in our hearts by the action of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5) so every born- again Christian should be walking in love, so why don't we? Why is it that I say I love my brethren yet I am always having issues with them? It's because I have not learned to walk in love. I have not learned to let this love flow out of me instead I have let the evil flow out of me and that is what others are getting from me.
The bible says that as much as it is possible for us we have to be at peace with everyone. We have to practice the love of God and learn to be guided by it. If we are guided by our selfish motives, things will not work the way we intend them to. We need to quit manipulating people and always getting them to do things to make us happy. The bible says that we should be imitators of Christ, Christ walked the earth reconciling men with God. Who are we reconciling today? We ourselves are not even reconciled with God and yet we are trying to be blessed. We also see the issue as coming from others but never from us. What role did we play in what went down? How could we have done things better? I tell you after this thing blew up in my face I have learned a major lesson. I want to examine the motives of my actions at all times. The bible says that the word of God is a divider of thoughts and hearts. I want to increase in my love walk. I really want to live my life pleasing God. I am going to renew my mind by the Word and confess it and act in love. In Ephesians 6:14 we are told to take up the whole armor of God. One of the weapons of our warfare is love. How many situations could we have avoided if we walked in love? How many hearts would not have been broken ourselves included if only we took a step back and we asked the Holy Spirit to lead us. Let us walk in faith, Let us walk by the spirit, let us walk in wisdom but before all, let us walk in Love.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Sometimes even the best-hearted people can come across the wrong way. I had a situation where someone that I trusted, a man of God showed me his other(nasty, carnal) side. While I was busy complaining to God about him, the Holy Spirit whispered something in my ear. What were your intentions in this whole thing? We have to be very careful about our motives. The love of God is in our hearts by the action of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5) so every born- again Christian should be walking in love, so why don't we? Why is it that I say I love my brethren yet I am always having issues with them? It's because I have not learned to walk in love. I have not learned to let this love flow out of me instead I have let the evil flow out of me and that is what others are getting from me.
The bible says that as much as it is possible for us we have to be at peace with everyone. We have to practice the love of God and learn to be guided by it. If we are guided by our selfish motives, things will not work the way we intend them to. We need to quit manipulating people and always getting them to do things to make us happy. The bible says that we should be imitators of Christ, Christ walked the earth reconciling men with God. Who are we reconciling today? We ourselves are not even reconciled with God and yet we are trying to be blessed. We also see the issue as coming from others but never from us. What role did we play in what went down? How could we have done things better? I tell you after this thing blew up in my face I have learned a major lesson. I want to examine the motives of my actions at all times. The bible says that the word of God is a divider of thoughts and hearts. I want to increase in my love walk. I really want to live my life pleasing God. I am going to renew my mind by the Word and confess it and act in love. In Ephesians 6:14 we are told to take up the whole armor of God. One of the weapons of our warfare is love. How many situations could we have avoided if we walked in love? How many hearts would not have been broken ourselves included if only we took a step back and we asked the Holy Spirit to lead us. Let us walk in faith, Let us walk by the spirit, let us walk in wisdom but before all, let us walk in Love.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Can you say bondage?
Why should we forgive?
I am a young christian just under 2 years-old in my walk. I am very determined and very hungry for God. I have been looking for people who share my passion which is to live for God in every sense of the way but I have been sadly disappointed. I have decided to create this blog for people out there like me who are feeling very differently from the rest of the christians of this world. Christians who are fighting complacency and mediocrity in their walk and who are willing to go the distance to get closer to God. I feel that good communication is lacking among Christians and we hardly if effectively communicate. I know of many stories of Christians disappointing one another through unmet and unrealistic expectations. Today I want to talk about Forgiveness or Unforgiveness.
I have made plans to visit a church this week-end that a couple of my friends used to attend. They left the church because of a deal gone wrong. They felt that their worth was not appreciated and that the people there were just not behaving as true christians. They ended up leaving the church but not leaving the hurt. When I tried to invite them to come along with me for the experience, I was met with ' No thanks, I will pass'. I thought that was odd. They used to love this church and could not stop raving about it. I thought that was so sad the way they reacted and somehow I feel very powerless about it. They are harboring this unforgiveness in their heart towards the people of the church and they are refusing to let them go. Unbeknownst of them, they are keeping these people hostage in their heart and are delaying God's work in their lives. A lot of us are now in this position where we have been hurt by brethren and we are unable to release this hurt out of our lives and sometimes we don't even know that it's there. The bible says that we are to walk in the Light. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light in our hearts and minds and repent from every evil doing in our lives that we are being convicted under. Holy Spirit teach us to set our eyes on Christ for only He died for our sins not a brother and not a sister from my congregation. Teach me to stop judging others and to begin to love them instead with the love of God.I pray that this blog finds you well and that after reading this you will check yourself again. Our Lord Jesus Christ is coming soon! As for me, I can not wait to be in church this Sunday to partake in the glory of our Lord in fellowship with the saints.
God Bless You
I am a young christian just under 2 years-old in my walk. I am very determined and very hungry for God. I have been looking for people who share my passion which is to live for God in every sense of the way but I have been sadly disappointed. I have decided to create this blog for people out there like me who are feeling very differently from the rest of the christians of this world. Christians who are fighting complacency and mediocrity in their walk and who are willing to go the distance to get closer to God. I feel that good communication is lacking among Christians and we hardly if effectively communicate. I know of many stories of Christians disappointing one another through unmet and unrealistic expectations. Today I want to talk about Forgiveness or Unforgiveness.
I have made plans to visit a church this week-end that a couple of my friends used to attend. They left the church because of a deal gone wrong. They felt that their worth was not appreciated and that the people there were just not behaving as true christians. They ended up leaving the church but not leaving the hurt. When I tried to invite them to come along with me for the experience, I was met with ' No thanks, I will pass'. I thought that was odd. They used to love this church and could not stop raving about it. I thought that was so sad the way they reacted and somehow I feel very powerless about it. They are harboring this unforgiveness in their heart towards the people of the church and they are refusing to let them go. Unbeknownst of them, they are keeping these people hostage in their heart and are delaying God's work in their lives. A lot of us are now in this position where we have been hurt by brethren and we are unable to release this hurt out of our lives and sometimes we don't even know that it's there. The bible says that we are to walk in the Light. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light in our hearts and minds and repent from every evil doing in our lives that we are being convicted under. Holy Spirit teach us to set our eyes on Christ for only He died for our sins not a brother and not a sister from my congregation. Teach me to stop judging others and to begin to love them instead with the love of God.I pray that this blog finds you well and that after reading this you will check yourself again. Our Lord Jesus Christ is coming soon! As for me, I can not wait to be in church this Sunday to partake in the glory of our Lord in fellowship with the saints.
God Bless You
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)